I have one: crappy birds. Or, rather, crapping birds.
When I become a bird crap's target, that's for luck.And I am officially one of the luckiest people on Earth. I get crapped on (by birds!) all the time, wherever I go. It happens so often that I get all worried and anxious whenever there happens to be a crapping pause.
My first crappy bird: I was about 6, soaking up the sun on a lounge chair on a lawn, admiring a bunch of ducks passing over me in a lovely V-shape. Next thing I knew, my calve was covered with a yucky brownish mass.
Ever since then, I remember birds crapping on me.
Annually, at least. They crapped on me in every single city I ever lived for a prolonged period of time (and I moved around quite a bit - across countries and continents) - and even in cities I visited as a tourist.
The most itchy-burny (is there a word 'burny'?) crappy bird, of course, was in India. I dunno what kind of curry that crappy crow ate, but I had an angry red spot on my skin!
The most ridiculous crappy bird was a Moscow one. I was sitting under a balcony, my legs stretched in front of me. The bird that was sitting on a balcony a few floors above me managed to crap in the gap between the side of my shoe and my foot IN IT. Quite a sniper, that one.
The most painful crappy bird was in Montreal. Imagine: first semi-warm day, no hat, spring is in the air... And at that moment - BAM! - a very painful piece of crap falls on my head. The crappy gull was sitting on a high-rise building. Trust me - when it falls from such a height, it hurts. That gull gets also the most humiliating award as right after that I stormed into a public washroom, washed the crap out of my hair and then maid a mistake of trying to dry it with paper towels. Which kind of disintegrated in my hair, making me look like a dandruff exhibit A from a magazine ad. Duh.
The most romantic crappy bird was in Hawaii. Simply because it was in Hawaii. Nothing romantic about the bird :)
The most dreamy one... Well, about a month ago I dreamed that a bird crapped on me :)
Anyway - when I walk, I look up a lot. I spot seagulls on light posts. I change my path to dodge a pigeon flying over. I avoid areas with lots of bird crap on the ground.
At the same time... The four years of my life that they didn't crap on me, were the most miserable ones ever. So... as much as I try to avoid them - I love it when they crap on me. It brings me luck - for real. And I love it.
English remix :))
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